So, I got a new Shiny Geek Toy—a Motorola V188. I had a choice between it and a Samsung cameraphone, and honestly the camera and the color outside screen were the only things recommending the Samsung; I didn't like much else about it. The Motorola, on the other hand, has a USB port (for uploading MP3 ringtones, which the Samsung doesn't support, and wallpaper). It also handles a bunch of subtleties surrounding text messaging much more nicely than the Samsung, such as queueing messages it can't send instead of repeatedly asking if I want to resend them. The predictive typing component works a little differently from my old phone's, which I'll have to get used to, but such is life.
Oh, you won, Rachel—I gave the phone its own screen name. It's rather unimaginatively called Commbadge, so drop that on your buddy list if you want to have it handy. (This phone has a full AIM client, which is rather nice.)
Now to choose a ringtone…
 In the end, there really was no contest as far as the ringtone was concerned. I excerpted about a minute of Let's Play Some Tetris and uploaded to the phone. And now, I am a happy geek. :^)