I was at a baseball game with my parents and grandparents. Grandma mentioned that my little cousin Alex (three years old--he lives with his parents in Michigan) hasn't been sleeping in his own room--he's been in his little sister's room, because he's convinced his room has been overrun by monsters. This gave Mom the idea to send him a present--an "electronic monster killing gun".
The gun is really from an old laser tag set. It makes the sort of noises and flashes that would probably convince a three-year-old that it really works. She's sending a letter along with the gun:
September 28, 2003
I heard you have a monster problem at your house. This Electronic Monster Killing Gun belonged to your cousin Brent. He used it when he was your age, and he gave me permission to mail it to you, because he doesn't need it anymore. The reason he doesn't need it is there haven't been any monsters at our house in a long, long time. This is because they were so scared by this gun that they will never come back. I am sure it will work just as well for you.
ELECTRONIC MONSTER KILLING GUN DIRECTIONS
1. Before going to bed, check for monsters and shoot them with the gun. They will die instantly! You don't even have to aim well, because the gun has a very powerful laser that will kill all the monsters in the room. You can see the red laser shoot if you look through the gun sight (your dad or mom can show you where to look). Don't worry, though, because the laser does not hurt people or animals at all--only monsters!
2. Put the gun by your bed where any monsters who come in can see it. They will be so scared by the gun that they will run right away--probably all the way to Canada!
3. Go to sleep and have sweet dreams, because you know there will be no monsters!
We miss you, Alex! We hope to see you soon!