You may not be aware, but Sue sporkers for Harry Potter came up with four "Sue houses" the Sues can be sorted into—Sparklipoo, Bitchiwitch, Tootsitramp, and Qanonreip. (The names are pretty transparent...) Well, someone asked what their founders were like, which lead jellyblob, mimisgrotto, and I to come up with a sorting song for Sue!Hogwarts:
A thousand years ago lived four with super speshul skill their powers were a thousand fold over common wizard swill 'Let's found a Magic school!' said they 'so ALL can learn our tricks' 'And each of us shall guide their way in Houses, just for kicks!'
Tootsitramp of Soho Town accepted those near-nude New York's pride, Blade Bitchiwitch took those with attitude Suburban Quagmire Qanonreip sought all who flouted rules While Sloane Serena Sparklipoo took those who loved their jewels
So all was well for quite some time Peace reigned among their clan But soon the founders figured out they shared a common plan "WE'LL rule this school" dear Trixie purred, and tossed her rippling hair "For in the face of sex and lust "The strongest shall lie bare!"
But Quagmire deigned to disagree as he was wont to do "Qanonreipists are the best, my first-years could beat you!" "Let's not fight," Serena begged, Tears twinkling in her eyes "For love and beauty conquers all these boasts and taunts and lies!"
Blade arose, her white hand raised She slapped tanned Trixie's face "You should know a slut like you is EASY to replace!" The arguing went on and on The Houses bragged non-stop How THEY were clearly best of all The others were a flop
In the end, when all was said The school was not the same The founders went their sep'rate ways To scale more heights of fame But I, the Sorting Tiara, stay My voice rings clear and strong So put me on - I'll match your clothes Let's see where YOU belong!