Today is International Talk Like A Pirate Day. Today is also Hermione Granger's birthday. Coincidence? WE THINK NOT!

So, in honor of the twin occasions:

perl -e '$|=s//z"A";z"e"juvyr\$|/;s/z/cevag/g;
y/n-za-m/a-z/;eval'

perl -e 's!!wunis,wfdl%d-%+jfw#X(064+
riwfdl%/f2.-%+%21450036254640555?61036250>6340?
34705764?6>>2?507?00773?15045425>0647%!;
eval pack"c*",map$_^7,unpack"c*",$_'

I'm not really much of an obfuscator, I suppose, but I was in the mood. (Line breaks are solely to keep them within the edges of the window, and should be removed before execution.)