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I love the Perlmonks Chatterbox.

<jZed> how do I get Debian to find my sound device?
<castaway> threaten it with deletion?
<PodMaster> bribery? *duck*
<jZed> I already told it I would put windows on the top of the boot list if it didn't start talking to me
<jZed> it just laughed (silently)
<mcogan1966> did you sacrafice a goat first?